True Love, Freely Given

"Nobody respects Love that is not freely given."

Alan Watts.

I heard this quote in one of his lectures and it was incredibly clarifying for me. The context of the moment in the lecture used the example of parents, telling their child "You SHOULD love me...I am your Mother!" (but of course you can insert any "title" into that last word...father, grandparent, sister, brother, BOSS...etc)

YOU SHOULD LOVE ME.

Then...what happens? The "love" they give to you is not genuine, not from the Heart...it is given to you from a place of fear. And, you don't respect that Love...because you coerced it. You controlled it. You manipulated it. And, ultimately, if they take that love away from you, the precedent you have set is that it's THEIR fault for not following the Rules of Society, and THEY have the problem for deciding, freely, who to love, and who not to love.

I heard this quote on Saturday, then found myself talking to a dear friend on Sunday, who dreads every interaction with one of her sisters. When the sister calls, there is a lot of guilt, shaming, and blaming. Very little compassion, concern, LAUGHTER, joy, etc. But my friend feels obligated to answer the phone (especially being that it was her sisters birthday...double whammy...one sister calling another sister to complain about the THIRD sister who didn't call on the birthday...and now YOU ALL MUST SUFFER)

I had so much compassion for my friend, and a huge amount of empathy...for there was a time when I played the role of any one of those sisters. The "You should have called me" Sister. the "I Always Answer the Phone For My Family Even Though They Treat Me Like Crap" Sister, and finally the "I'm Going to Remove Myself From This Toxicity Now" Sister.

Obligatory Love can cripple any relationship. You are my WIFE...you SHOULD love me. I am your Pastor...you SHOULD love me. I am your TEACHER...you SHOULD love me. I am the most popular mom in the neighborhood...you SHOULD love me. I make more money than you do...you SHOULD love me.

But expecting Love through obligation is not healthy, and in my experience, does not last.

So...laying out a problem but not providing an implementable action plan is a Politician's Job, and since I know that my role here in this Matrix is a Teacher, let's see if I can find a lesson here...

Lesson: Remove All Obligations of Love

Where do these "required" feelings of Love come from? It could be a family pattern...of course. You may have watched your parents tolerate a lot of bad behavior from THEIR parents, and then you followed the same pattern in the relationship with YOUR parents, and then...because patterns in families repeat...you EXPECTED Love from your kids...in spite of the way you may be treating them...because it was Done That Way for Generations.

How confusing to a child, to watch someone treat another so badly, speak terrible words and hurl painful insults almost daily, to belittle their mind and poke fun at their feelings, and be told that this is "Love". THIS...is marriage. THIS...is Family.

THIS...is Love through Obligation.

There is a contract here: Parent/Child, Husband/Wife, Sibling/Sibling. The contract indemnifies us from having Loving behavior: we don't need to be Love to be Loved...that part has been deemed "unnecessary".

So...what if we understand, at a deeper level, that these constructs of family, religion, work, school, etc do not place ANYONE at any time in an OBLIGATION to Love? Nor does any CONTRACT ever REMOVE the clause that Love can only be given FREELY.

This was a huge concept for me to hear, comprehend, and put into practice (while I just heard this particular quote on Saturday, it summed up a lot of what I have been going through over the last few years)

If Love can only be given freely...where do I feel free to Love?

And...when I do feel free to Love...how can I create that same environment for those people in my life that I want MUTUAL free love with?

I started to really look for the people in my life who I truly loved FREELY. Who I called with a sense of Joy and excitement, not trepidation and obligation. I started to notice who I smiled and laughed easily with, as genuinely content to sit and watch TV or cook or swing dance or paint or hike, without fear that if I didn't dress a certain way or spend a certain amount, I was not Enough...where did I always feel like I was enough?

I noticed who I could have a real argument with...and not be afraid that we couldn't end any discussion by looking in each other's eyes and saying "I hear you...I understand where you are coming from...and I love you".

I noticed who encouraged me, who delighted in my success, who loved to see me genuinely happy.

I noticed...how much happier I was, when I was with people who I wanted to be with, not who I was obligated to be with. Who I freely chose to be in my life.

Lesson: Become Lovable

OH yeah...there's a whole 'nother part to the equation. Putting into practice, in the relationships you want to perpetuate, the same things you natural seek out.

So, I loved being around people who are do-ers. People who have passion for adventure and learning and growing and exploring. These people are the ones who always have exciting THINGS to talk about - books or movies or travel or paintings or WHATEVER. And because they have so much to talk about...guess what they don't have as much time for...

-self pity

-gossip

-judgement

Man oh man. I had NO IDEA how much time I wasted on those three things when I was surrounded by obligatory love instead of free love.

Here's the big thing I realized: when you are not known to be judgmental, fatalist, or gossipy...people want to be with you. They want to engage with you. They want to create with you. They want to grow with you.

-enthusiasm

-positivity

-understanding

What three things would you gravitate towards?

Now...Let me clarify something...I had to change a LOT of ingrained habits, a lot of pathology: I was used to a lot of negativity, and so it felt "normal". Changing it - and being OK with it not being part of the way I lived life every day - was really effing difficult. It's the same as a child who is used to getting only negative attention...it's takes a lot of cognitive behavior therapy to crave POSITIVE attention when all you grew up with was attention given only when you caused trouble. I was used to bullying, belittling, and even the ignoring: You did not behave like I wanted you to behave, so I will withhold my attention and love now.

It's a hard pattern to see...an even harder one to break...and the most difficult thing...

Is behaving in a way that is not just "I didn't like the way they did it, so I will do the OPPOSITE just to show them how wrong they are!" This is not a healthy pattern either.

That is still dis-empowering.

The true power, the truest Love, is trusting your heart: trusting who you are, at your core.

You are Love. You are generous. You are compassionate. You are empathetic. You are a creator. You are a giver. You are JOYFUL. You are full of wonder. You are Love.

Don't just do the opposite of what didn't work for you before...do what comes from the heart.

And, what I have found, and what I hope to keep nurturing, is that the more I am true to who I am, and the more I become a Loving person, the more my True Love relationships grow. They are few, they are precious, but they are love without obligation.

Springtime...and my favorirte word...Potential

Spring has sprung in Georgia, and although our winter was not nearly as bad as many parts of the country, I don't think I have been this excited to see budding trees or sprouting tulips in a long time.  I wrote this piece last summer, and thought it would be a good time to share it...as potential is all around us!

***

On a recent trip back home to Western New York, I spent an afternoon with a dear friend and one of my former painting teachers.  Even though we are over a decade apart in age, we have children the same age and have both been married for about the same amount of time.  As we reminisced we discovered that our lives have many parallels.  

We talked about our families, compared notes on marriage, and spent a long time sharing the names and paintings of artists who are inspiring us at this stage in our Artistic growth.  We shared our struggles of wanting to be good mothers, while still being able to feed that part of us that makes us Who We Are – our Art.  The goal to always be growing – always be improving – always be producing Art - is strong in many artists, and our lives are often moving at too quick a pace for us to fulfill our desires to be in the studio.

As she showed me around her home, her studio, her garden and even her garage, one story really resonated with me.  Last summer, her husband continued his tradition of hatching cocoons for their two daughters.  That year, however, one cocoon did not thrive, and at the end of the summer her husband tucked it away on a shelf in the garage, forgotten.  (Both being artists, neither parent could throw away what could be a subject for a later sketch or painting!)

This summer, not realizing that she found a rejected cocoon from the summer before and not one of the new cocoons ready for this year, she set the cocoon up and prepared to watch it fulfill its’ destiny.  Her husband pointed out that this was probably not going to happen.   Imagine my friend’s surprise as she walked into the garage one day and discovered the butterfly slowly emerging, damp wings curled.   She ran to get her camera as the delicate creature spread her wings, allowed them to dry, and made her first feeble attempts to take flight.  My friend witnessed the butterfly fly out of the garage and into the sun.

There are many parts of our lives that we put upon a shelf, tucked away for a later date, to be retrieved when there is money in the bank, fewer items on the “to do” list,  or time on our calendar.  Those parts of us that make us happy – learning to salsa dance, taking a painting course, finally trying out scuba diving! – are not a priority when the kids need to be fed, the lawn has to be cut, and the laundry is piling up.

 

For one day, take that tucked away and forgotten bit of potential down off the shelf, dust it off, and give it a chance to emerge and come to life.  Take a class.  Learn a new skill.  Go out dancing!  It’s not too late, and you are never too old.  Potential.  It’s one of my all-time favorite words.   Potential cannot be predicted or measured.  There is no end, there is no maximum amount to be reached.   That cocoon may have been tucked up on a shelf, but its’ potential never died.

***This article originally appeared in the Towne Laker Magazine, Woodstock, GA, in 2013

A special going away present

The last couple of days have been very busy, with final errands, a little bit more baking (stocking the freezer with home made bread for the kids!) a last night of figure drawing group, and lots - and I mean LOTS -  of laundry!

One project that finally got finished up was something special for my daughter, Arianna.  Arianna has one very strict rule whenever I am about to leave the house or right befor she goes to bed: Kiss and Hug. Kiss and Hug is very important.  We must kiss and hug, even if I am just running to the grocery store.

Ever since Arianna found out about me traveling to Italy, she has been asking for extra Kiss and Hugs to save for when I'm gone.  I knew I would have to do something to appease her need for Kiss and Hug for ten days.

A while back, Arianna came home from school with this adorable drawing of a frog.  Super colorful, lots of character.  I had seen something on Pinterest where an artist took a child's drawing and transformed it into a three dimensional stuffed animal.

So that's what I decided to do.  Create a stuffed frog that would be named Kiss and Hug - filled with all the extra kisses and hugs she will need while I am gone.

This was fun to shop for - the corful fabrics for the legs, Pom poms for the toes and fingers, cloth buttons for the belly.  It was harder than I thought to put it all together, but I was pretty happy with it.

I just gave it to Arianna tonight (don't worry - Jack got something too!) and she knew right away where she had seen this frog before.

Hopefully the time will pass quickly and her new friend will remind her that mom loves her, even from far away.

Gluten Free, Dairy Free Vanilla Banana Muffins

Yes...this is an Art blog.  But I also have a family.  And I also bake.  And I love recipes.  And I love good food.  And I love to share all of this with you :)

I have a few staple recipes that work really well for my son, Jack, who has self-control and behavior issues when he eats certain foods - the main culprits being artificial colors, preservatives, HFCS, apples juice, and dairy.  Through process of elimination, and the great feedback and guidance from the Feingold diet, I have also found that a gluten free diet really help Jack maintain a calmer attitude and more agreeable behavior.

So I LOVE recipes like this! Yummy, quick, and perfect for every meal and lunch box!

I found the original muffin recipe when searching for muffin recipes using coconut flour - one of my new favorite ingredients!

Vanilla Banana Muffins - Gluten Free and Dairy Free

Preheat oven to 400

One Mashed Banana (any size works - I like medium to large, ripe)
3 TBLS Coconut Oil (liquid form works best)
3 Eggs
1/3 Cup sugar (you could cut this back a little if you use a bigger banana)
1/4 tsp salt
1/4 tsp vanilla
1/4 cup coconut flour
1/4 tsp baking powder
1 TBLS ground flax seed (optional)

I like to start by mashing the banana.  Then add in the coconut oil.  Mix in the three eggs, sugar, salt and vanilla.  This will look very liquid-y, but don't fret - the coconut oil absorbs a lot of liquid.  I like to sprinkle the coconut oil across the top of the mix, then dust the baking powder over the flour, then mix it all together (helps with an more even distribution of baking powder)

Makes 6-7 large muffin or 12-14 mini muffins

Bake at 400 for 13-15 minutes.

Enjoy!

 I recommend the mini muffins - perfect size for lunchboxes and you feel less guilty when you grab one as a snack :)

My other favorite muffin recipe...gluten free dairy free Pumpkin Muffins

Only a few days left to vote! I could be a 2013 DaVinci Wine storyteller!! Thank you :)

Plein Air Painting - Grandpa's Boat

I recently made a long...long...long visit to Western New York to visit family, watch the 4th of July fireworks over the Niagara River, and - I still can't believe this - attend my 20th High School Reunion.

By the 7th day of the 13 day stay, I couldn't fight it any more - I had to hold a brush in my hand and get some paint on a canvas.   I planned for such an occasion by rolling some pieces of Claessens linen in my suitcase as well as tucking in a few of my favorite Rosemary and Co. brushes.  Luckily, my mom is also a painter so easels, paint, thinner, etc. were all found at her place.

Just to get to this point took about 45 minutes.  My parents live right across the street from the river, but the shore is a steep hill.  It required several trips to bring all of the tables, easels, chairs, paints, etc. down the slope.  Of course, as you know, every time you pass one of your children there is one of three statements they must share with you: "I'm hungry", "I'm bored", or "Jack hit me".  None of these can be ignored, so while you may have your paint and canvas and easel ALL READY TO GO, you still have to make lunch, discipline a sibling, or enlist Grandma's help and have her load all three grandchildren into a stroller and take them to the park.

So finally brush touched paint and paint touched canvas.  A quick block in.

Large and loose.  Clean colors.  

I am not good at straight lines.  I did my best to capture the stately nature of the boat, without trying to be too precise.  The wind was blowing, waves skirting along the bottom of the boat, shadows changing with every rock of the boat.  

This is about the stage where I decided to not include the blue bridge.  The boat was the focus of the painting, and I like the soft green landscape in the background.  

Great shot of my left pinky finger...

adding in a few of the rocks on the shoreline and a large driftwood.

At the very end I added my signature and a few pieces of the tall greenery.  Looking at my time stamps from the photos, this was about 90 minutes of painting.  After looking at the painting for a couple days, I saw some things I would change or "crisp" a little more - a few rocks, some deeper shadows, etc- but overall I liked the colors and brushwork.

My mom ventured down the hill with my daughter Ari to check on my progress - thanks for the pictures, mom!!  And of course, since Ari saw Mom painting...

She had to have her very own set-up in Grandma's back yard.  My nephew Joey was very impressed.

I am honored to be one of 3 visual arts finalists for a trip to Italy with DaVinci Wine and their Storyteller Experience!  You can vote for me and three other artists from various backgrounds every day until July 31st!

Thanks :)

Stop the Junk Food in the Classroom

I've been thinking about how to start my blog for 2013.  A list of goals for the next 12 months? A re-cap of my favorite moments of 2012?  Both are important, and the lists are already in my head.  But for 2013, I have a goal and a mission that may be even more important than what is happening in my studio.

Ever since my son, Jack, started child care 2 days a week before the age of 2, we have been battling with issues of aggressive and anti-social behavior in the classroom.  It took a long time for me to make the connection that artificial food coloring and preservatives was a huge factor in my son's behavioral problems.
Once I finally made the connection - after Jack had two artificial-color-laden icees at a school event and he could not stop crying for 48 hours - did I start to see a disturbing pattern in every classroom that Jack has been in.

When Jack was only 18 months old, his little class would be lined up at the end of the (three hour) day to go home.  In each little fist was clutched a DumDum lolipop.  These treats were given to the children to "sit still" while waiting for mom and dad to pick them up.  I noticed that if Jack ate the treat, he would be miserable for the rest of the afternoon, so I started requesting that the teachers do NOT allow my son to eat the treat, we would take it home (where I would dispose of it).

The next year, at the same school, Jack spent more time in the office than in his classroom.  He was often aggressive  would not sit for circle time, and was not following directions.  I was called in one day - only 30 minutes after dropping him off for class - to pick him up.  I sat in the corner of the classroom to watch him in action.  While I was sitting there, Jack pointed to a cookie up on the shelf.  A colored frosting covered cookie from a store bakery.  This was not snack time.  There was no holiday party planned.  Yet Jack simply pointed to the cookie, and the assistant teacher reached up, gave him one, then went on her way.

I would like you to imagine how I felt at that moment.  I got three hours a day, two days a week, to work on my art or have a little time to myself.  My respite was supposed to be the time that Jack was in an environment where he should be learning to share, read, learn his colors, be creative, get outside and play, sing songs, etc.  Instead, what I witnessed was my 2 year old child being sabotaged by a chemical and sugar laden fake "food" that he didn't even have to say "Please" to get.

Fast forward through the next few years...I would request that Jack was not given milk for breakfast at a state-run Pre-k program.  I was called in for behavior issues.  My first question was "are you giving him milk in the morning? "  "yes" "Even though I asked you not to?" "Yes".  "And you did hear me tell you that milk makes Jack very hyper?"  "Yes.  But we didn't want him to eat dry cereal".  (Most milk is dyed and contains harmful chemical preservatives as well)

Ok.

Another year, another teacher.  This one has colored M&M's on her desk to reward the children throughout the day.

Another year, another teacher.  This time, the children are rewarded for turning in their homework with a Startburst candy.  Not a good grade or a gold star.  A chemical laded square of high fructose corn syrup and petroleum.

And the parties are the worst.  My daughter comes home from school with a different colored frosting mustache more times than I would like to consider.  Holidays are jam packed with treats from friends, projects made out of various rainbow colored icings, and loads of juice at every occasion.

I know this is already long...but wait! There's more!

Here is where my New Years' Resolution for 2013 takes place.

I am not going to sit by and watch my children's success in the classroom be sabotaged by chemical laden, nutrition deprived foods.

I am not going to let another mother spend years questioning every choice she makes as a parent because she simply does not know that food coloring and additives may be a huge contributing factor to her child's bad behavior.

I am not going to let another teacher go on thinking that their Students will not LIKE them if they don't hand out candy every chance they get.  I promise: your students WILL like you for a whole bunch of other reasons!

I will not be afraid to be the unpopular or uncool mom because I believe that healthy food is important for our children, and that crap does not belong in the classroom.

I will be the first best example for my children when it comes to eating healthy and making the right choices for our body.  I will always encourage them to ask themselves how certain foods make them feel - energized and focused? Or sluggish and fuzzy?

I will empower every teacher and administrator with the understanding that they can have a HUGE, positive impact on every child's future by instilling healthy eating habits and leading by example.

Just before I wrote this, I looked on-line to see if I could find some good examples of letters to teachers about food in the classroom.  I was hardly surprised to come across this excellent post.  It showed me that I was definitely not alone in my hope to clean my children's classroom of crap.  Read the post - and the comments - and you will see that this is a battle being waged in classrooms all over.  I especially like the Food in the Classroom Manifesto

More food for thought comes from the Feingold website.  The Feingold diet focuses on removing the biggest factors in behavioral issues in children: artificial food coloring, artificial preservatives, and Salicylites (a natural occurring chemical in some fruits and vegetables).  There is an excellent section on Schools and Food.  There are several examples of schools changing their food and how it had nothing but a positive impact on their school.

Now, I know the biggest issues are going to be 1)but will my children (or my students!) not LIKE me if I don't have parties or treats?  2)will the other parents think I'm foolish and over reacting or just plain mean?

1 - yes.  Your children will still love you, your students will still LIKE you!  Their affection is not based on sugar, not enhanced by petroleum based Red 40.  We just need to give them that chance.  I remember when Jack had his first t-ball practice.  After he was done running, catching and playing I asked him "did you like it? was it fun? did you make new friends?" and Jack looked at me with a HUGE grin and said "Mom - the coach knows my name!"  My point being - all it took was the coach showing a little extra interest, a personal connection, and Jack was won over.  Compliment a child's drawing, give them extra congratulations on a job well done, ask them about their pet, anything!  Attention is what they crave - not sugar.  If Jack had been just one of the crowd, rewarded with a sucker at the end of practice, the sucker would be long forgotten by now.

2) Yes.  Many parents will think you're mean, or over reacting, but you know what - who cares?  It's not your job to be liked by everyone.  It's your job to give every child/student the best opportunity to succeed.  Insisting on carrot sticks and hummus instead of cookies and frosting makes you a better example to the students and starts them on a road to healthy eating choices that could last the rest of their lives.  When Jack was in first grade, he was not a fan of many fruits and vegetables.  One day he came home from school BEGGING for a banana in his lunch.  "Why?" I asked.  He told be that if he gets caught eating a banana, he could get a new pencil or a sticker from the lunchroom lady!  Well, from that moment on Jack has loved eating bananas.  Imagine that!  A REWARD for good food choices, that led to a young boy being WILLING to eat a healthy food!

There are so many reasons, from this day forward, to eliminate candy and junk food from the classroom.  These students are the next generation of consumers.  Let's encourage this generation to desire healthy, chemical-free foods.  Let's teach the children that they should eat when they are hungry - not just when junk food is in front of them.

A few simple things to keep in mind...

Water is all that is ever needed at school.  Skip the fruit juices and colored drinks.

Parents: instead of sending in a candy treat for a class room party, ask the teacher what supplies she needs:  a few boxes of crayons or glue sticks cost the same as junk food, and you'll be helping your child's class in a much better way.  And stickers - great incentives and my daughter loves collecting them!  A few sheets of stickers for the teacher's stash instead of candy is a great idea :)

Teachers: take a stand in 2013 to turn your classroom into a healthy environment.  Be brave.  Talk to a few other teachers and you'll find many are willing to stand with you on this.  You are not alone.  By asking for healthy snacks and treats, you are doing NO HARM to your children.  In fact...you could be doing so much more than you'll ever know to set them on a path for health and success.

Teachers: take a look at your students.  Is there anyone who is especially emotional? who has trouble focusing? who obviously has potential but can't "get it together" long enough to succeed in class?  They might have a chemical sensitivity that causes that behavior (food coloring is made from Petroleum - once you start looking at red, yellow, blue, and green as the poison as they are, you won't want to give them to your child/student at all!). Read into the Feingold diet, help your student, and their parents, by suggesting a change in diet.

Remember: many people believe that there is a chemical laden magic "pill" that can cure our problems if we swallow it.  What we also need to understand that there are chemical laded foods CAUSING those problems to begin with.  Why fight a chemical with a chemical?  Try eliminating chemicals them first.  There is NO HARM in eating healthy.  There is no failure in trying.

As for me?  My first goal will be to help the teachers come up with a fun way to reward their students.  I love doing projects with my kids' classes, so maybe a brag book would be a good one to start off the year?  I'm thinking of a colorful book with sections for stickers, proud notes from the teachers, special places where friends can write notes of "thanks!" or why they like being your friend.  Imagine, at the end of the year, if every good job, every task accomplished, every turned in paper, was captured in a sticker/brag book that the children could keep long after the year was done.  The candy may have lasted a couple minutes...but that book could last a lifetime.

I hope 2013 is just the start of the healthier, happier, and more successful classroom for everyone!

Dairy Free, Gluten Free Pumpkin Muffins

The hunt for ways to incorporate healthy food into my very very picky children's meals keeps me ever vigilant for recipes that *might* find their way into the rotation of three foods (well, three HEALTHY foods!) each child willingly eats.  Both of my kids have always been huge fans of pumpkin bread, but once I discovered Jack's food sensitivities and started following the Feingold diet as much as possible, I knew I had to make some more changes for his diet.

For Jack, he does not seem to have an intolerance or reaction to gluten, (although I know I feel better, my skin looks better, and my "brain fog" lifts when I avoid gluten) so I normally don't bake with gluten free flours.  However, I have noticed that all dairy and cheeses (even Goat cheese) do bring out the short tempered, over-emotional Jack.  So I really love this recipe, which I first found on minichfamilyblog.com., because it uses a small amount of gluten-free flour and it calls for black beans instead of butter.

I believe the original recipe was for bread, but I make this into 24 cupcakes (using non-bleached paper cups from Whole Foods) and they are perfect for lunches, car rides, and snacks.  They freeze great, too!

(psst...about two seconds after I took this photo I ate that muffin!!!)

Gluten Free, Dairy Free Pumpkin Muffins

Pre heat oven to 350 degrees.  Line two muffin trays (24 muffins) with dye-free, bleach free baking cups

Wet ingredients - place all in a blender

One can black black beans, drained and rinsed (I like the organic black beans from Trader Joe's)
One can pumpkin puree' (any brand works well)
2 Eggs
1 TBL Vanilla Extract (it's more than usual, but necessary!)

I pulse all of the wet ingredients in my blender until the beans are completely obliterated.  The first time I made these, my kids actually said "Why are there chocolate chips in the muffins?" when they saw chunks of black beans :)

In a large bowl, mix your dry ingredients

1 1/4 cup Gluten Free Flour**
1 TSP Baking Soda
2 TSP Baking Powder
1 Cup Organic Cane Sugar
1 TSP Cinnamon
1 TSP Nutmeg
1/2 TSP Salt
1-2 TBS of Flax Seed (optional)

If you like, you could add a 1/2 cup of raisins or chopped walnuts

**I have tried this recipe three different ways - two different gluten free flour blends and once with regular whole wheat un-bleached flour.  All three came out great, so I think you can use the favorite flour of choice

Slowly add in your pre-pulverized wet ingredients.  (I usually have to take apart my blender to scrape all of the yummy pumpkin mix from the blades!)

Scoop a heaping tablespoon or two into each muffin cup.  Bake for 20-25 minutes, checking the progress with a toothpick.

Enjoy :)

Recently added: dairy free gluten free Vanilla Banana Muffins

Where do I begin?

How can I feel like I have so much to tell you, yet I can't even begin to tell you what's going on?  It's been very busy at the studio, at home, and everywhere in between!

So I will share what I can through photos...and share the long version for another day :)

New Woodstock paintings in the works...

The Barber Shop and Tea Party Restaurant on Main Street

Our Wednesday Evening figure group has been awesome every week - fabulous artists and amazing models.  These are a couple of my recent pieces.  The red ones are watercolor pencil on Wallis paper (12 x 18) and the brown one is oil on canvas (12 x 16)

This is the work board of one of my students for the Value Class that I ran last month.  It was a focus on value, not hue.  If your values are correct, used in good proportions as well, your paintings will be more successful.  It was a great class that I look forward to having again!

One afternoon I set up a nice yellow pear in a little turquoise dish, with the light from the window creating a beautiful sunlight pattern.  From this shot you'd think I had made a great painting.  Well...you'd be wrong.  It turned out muddy and overworked.  It got painted over.

This painting of a small striped pumpkin turned out much better.  Please ignore what looks like my finger in the upper left corner...

I'm also spending a lot of time researching and implementing a special diet for my son Jack.  It's based on the Feingold diet - the biggest aspect being eliminating artificial food coloring (which we've been doing for a while) artificial preservatives, and various other foods that tend to exacerbate his poor behavior.  While just focusing on food coloring was working for a while, it seems like he still has problems after eating foods that you would think would be ok - such as orange juice, apples or apple juice, milk, grapes, peaches, fresh pineapple, and almonds.  It's a continuous experiment, finding foods that are not only as all natural as possible, but don't contain those foods that may trigger emotional outbursts (yes...all children have behavior issues at some point...but these meltdowns are beyond definition).  If you have any experience with the Feingold diet, or any other elimination diet and behavior, I would love to hear your feedback!  

Painting Grandma for her 95th Birthday

I've been doing SO much painting lately that I almost don't know where to begin with updating my blog!  Portraits, figure paintings, still lifes, my Woodstock series...I'm exhausted just thinking about it!  Even if I don't post everything here, I do manage to share an update now and then on my Facebook Art page, so I hope you check that out from time to time!

So going back to July, when I was visiting family in New York, there happened to be one morning that my kids were off with their cousins, and my mom looked at me and said "There are no kids! We should PAINT."  And I said "Ok - what do you want to pain?" And we chatted a few minutes before deciding that my Grandma Nani would be the perfect subject.  She had just turned 95 the day before!  And my mother assured me that if we gave her a big breakfast she would take a nice nap while we painted her :)

So we set up outside on the deck - mid morning, great light, cool breeze from the water.

Just like the Alla Prima class, I started by looking for the large shapes, then darkest darks.  Notice Grandma is still awake.  And an excellent model!

As predicted, our model dozed off...and I started by blocking in her arm in the sunlight and some of the greenery.

It was clear that Nani was full, comfy, and sleepy, so I adjusted my painting of her head and started dabbing on the colors in her shirt and neck.  I wanted the gaunt quality of her cheeks, but still maintain the warmth of her skin.  The direction of the folds in her neck, and the hollow at the base of her neck were crucial in establishing the quality of the skin, and the feel of the pull of her head back onto the pillow.

I think we ended up painting for about three hours!  Nani was an excellent model.  And you really can't blame a woman with two children, ten grandchildren, and 15 great grandchildren for needing a nap :)

What does "alla prima" painting mean?

I have to admit, I had heard the painting term "alla prima" many many times, and never stopped to think about what it really meant.  There are several definitions of alla prima out there, but the most succinct definition I have heard is "all at once".  Which means you consider everything and cover everything in your painting in one sitting.

On a recent visit to my parents' in Western New York, I was lucky enough to attend a one-day class with my mother at a studio where she regularly takes painting classes, Partners in Art in North Tonawanda.  This was a one day class on "Alla Prima".

I have done many many paintings in one sitting in the past, but it was wonderful to be on the student side this time!  I really enjoyed watching the teacher, Joan Horn, demonstrate and work with her students.  I have also learned a lot about setting up effective learning and work stations in my own studio!  She's been at it since 1995, so I feel very privileged to have seen her classroom space, one that has been refined and improved continuously.

So Joan got us started by having us tone a canvas with a pretty generous amount of sepia toned paint and thinner.  This layer was left to dry for a few moments while we watched her block in her initial shapes.  SHAPES - NOT line drawings!  We looked for the mass of the objects right away.  (STOP DRAWING! Was shouted across the room several times once we got back to our easels!)

After lightly wiping our pre-stained canvas, the goal was to block in all the shapes.

(my mom starting on her pot and peppers!)

Very thin paint.

Keeping the paint thin, we mixed a very dark dark and blocked in ONLY the darkest darks.  My set up was very light, so I only had a few spots to block in.  These shapes were more specific, and we took our time to make sure they were in exactly the right spot, because everything else was to fit around these initial shapes.

Keeping the paint thin, we blocked in the background colors and local colors on the objects.  The colors should be close, but don't spend too much time mixing the colors - the goal is to cover the canvas with as close as possible colors to make sure your tones, values, and temperatures are harmonious.  Our brush was pretty dry, and we scrubbed the color into the appropriate areas.

Once you were happy with the initial layer of thin paint, it was time to go back and add in some more details and highlights with slightly thicker paint.  Hopefully, if the initial massing in and the drawing in of the darkest darks were correct, all of the other pieces of the puzzle should fit together nicely.  My total time in front of my easel was probably between 90-120 minutes.  In the past week or so I tried a couple more alla prima still lifes in my own studio - I'll share those soon!

Alla Prima Portrait Practice

Oh my poor neglected blog!  It's not that there is nothing to report...it's that too much is going on!  Lots of new paintings to show you.  I'm going to start with a portrait I painted of my sister at my studio a couple weeks ago.

I used an 18" x 24" gallery wrapped canvas.  I started by setting my sister up against a purple backdrop, cool outdoor light on her right and a warm spotlight on her left. (I like contrasting light sources on my portraits!)  I also made her change her shirt, which she was not too thrilled about.  But she's my little sister and used to me bossing her around!

I look at the largest shapes first, blocking it in a little bit on the angular side.  I avoid the features in the beginning, and focus on the shape of the face.  

I continued by looking at the shadows created around her features, not the features themselves.

I slowly locked in the features, adding a bit of burnt umber to the raw sienna I started with.  The paint is still very thin.

As I mentioned - there was a cool window light on the right and a warm spotlight on the left, so I started blocking in colors to match the light source and value on the face.

I continued blocking in color.  As I worked, I adjusted her hairline and jaw shape.  I made sure to extend the color into her neck.

This is as far as I got in our session.  In many ways it looks just like her, but there are a few shapes that need to be refined, especially her jawline and the shape of her eyebrows.  I really appreciate her patience!  I needed the practice :)

Slightly askew detail shot of her eyes...

My life in iPhone photos...

My Jack painting in the studio.  It was an underwater scene, complete with a striped fish and a tornado frog.  

Taking our neighbor's dog for a walk

Picking tomatoes from our neighbor's yard.

Latest painting from the Woodstock series.

Male nude with rope - charcoal drawing from Wednesday's figure drawing group.

Super Girl eats dinner with us whenever she flies through town :)

How Kids React to Nudity in Art

Once a month, my studio is open to the public during Friday Night Live - a street-wide event on Main Street in Woodstock, GA.  I've had the chance to witness the same scene dozens of times:  a family will walk into the studio, the parents and children will walk up to the wall of paintings, the parents will see a nude in one of the paintings, then immediately steer their child away from the wall and exit as quickly as possible.

My kids have grown up with nudes in art all over the house and in my studio.  I have never felt odd about them seeing my work.  My nudes are not sexual in any way.  Ari can even be a pretty good critic when she looks at my work!

Back in March I hosted ten of Ari's closest friends for an Art Party at my studio.  There were flowers hanging from the ceiling, fun pink table covers, lots of art projects.  And in the corner was my friend Matt Lewis' amazing nude sculpture that he was close to finishing.

One of the kids went right up to the sculpture of the nude woman, looked at it up and down, squinted and peered with great interest, and said

"Is that play doh?"

(My Jack leading a round of Simon Says at the party)

Now I totally agree that some nudes are NOT appropriate for children (even for many adults!) But there are some beautiful studies, paintings, drawings and sculptures that can teach children the beauty of the figure, with a great deal of respect that Artists bring to the subject.

When your child goes to a museum, gallery, or flips through an Art book, how do YOU explain nudity in Art?