Cutlets and Compression Garments

I'm cleaning out everything.  Do you get that way once or twice a year, too?  Maybe it's all the presents that came into the house at Christmas while at the same time we're heading into the blank canvas of a new year.  Plus, the kids are outgrowing stuff literally and figuratively day by day.

The purge is cathartic, exciting, therapeutic, etc.  Wayne Dyer encouraged his students to "give it all away...without the need for compensation" (I'm paraphrasing) 

As I was going through my dresser drawer by drawer, I came across a few things I had forgotten about.  And it reminded me that I am in a much better place, mentally and physically, than I was a few years ago.

When I started to test the dating waters after my divorce, I worried.  Worried about being Enough.  Enough to attract a new partner.  I mean...I was never enough to so many in my life already.  It didn't matter how many presents I sent or parties I threw or phone calls I made or how I kept my house or raised my kids or what I accomplished in my professional life...the elusiveness of Love plagued me every day.  And because I witnessed the people whose (unconditional) Love and Approval and Support I desired so much be so freely doled upon everyone else with great enthusiasm...I kept thinking that the reason I was not privy to the same treatment was because I STILL WASN'T ENOUGH.

Bra inserts to make my breasts look bigger.  Tight compression garments to make my butt look smaller.  If I could just fit myself into some mold of The Perfect Woman, I would find someone who loved me back.

One night, getting ready to go out, I put the cold cutlets into my bra and tightened up my thighs and (let me just add...I only weighed about 115 and I'm 5'4"!) as I was leaned over to grab a pair of shoes from the floor of my closet, those slippery boob inserts slipped right out of my bra and onto the floor.

I LAUGHED SO HARD.  I was ready to humiliate myself leaving a trail of fake jellyfish because I thought bigger BOOBS would make me more attractive?!?  I laughed that moment off...but it took a while for the lesson to sink in!

It was only after a seriously life changing event that I could finally SEE that ZERO amount of posturing or prostituting, padding or pinching, would endear my heart and soul to anyone who couldn't see my worth EXACTLY as I am.  

And that's when I stopped looking outwards - I had to start inside.  I had to see myself as beautiful and talented and WORTHY and nurturing and loving and funny and accomplished.  I had to see myself through the eyes of my students and my friends.  I had to remind myself of what pure love felt like...reverting back to my childhood and feeling the embrace of my Babu...the purest Love I could remember.  I have to daily remind myself that the Universe, Infinite Intelligence, Mother Nature, God (however you define it for yourself) does NOT see me as angry or depressed or stupid or selfish.  The Higher Power sees every good intention, every bit of joy, every ounce of Love that I am, and wants to nurture me as the perfect being that I am.

Love.  That is what will define me.  Not boob inserts or duct taped thighs.  That nurturing force of Love CRUSHES anything else.  Shame, manipulation, guilt...these emotions that I was so used to for so long are finally receding as the waves of love break down old habits and self doubt.

Slowly...I removed the voices from my life and my head that kept harping on my shortcomings, and started amplifying the voices that built up my strengths.  And what this does is allows me to do the same for those I adore and love and nurture in return.  I am a better teacher, a better mother, a better partner because I practice this attitude to as many people as I can every day:  build up their strengths, don't harp on their weaknesses.  Be a source of Unconditional Love that knows mistakes are part of the journey - we are ALL learning and growing and improving every day.

Love people for who they are...nurture the aspects of their greatness...always believe in their amazing potential.  It brings great Joy to my heart to BE that person for myself, and for whoever else needs it from me, every day.

And..if you feel better about yourself with a padded bra or a control top waist shaper...you do YOU.  If it makes you FEEL good, go for it!  But I hope that you never ever feel that there is a magic garment or insert that makes you worthier of love...because, dear soul, you are already perfect, and worthy.  And I send you great love. 

It's Just Dog Pee on a Backpack

A couple of months ago, my 11 year old daughter was feverishly working on her "list of things we will do" for a weekend with one of her good friends.  According to Ari's list, the weekend would not be complete without a Dollar Store scavenger hunt, shopping at the outlet mall, matching outfits for a family birthday party...and those are just the few points I can remember!

What I do remember was telling Ari that I would fund part of the adventures, but she was going to be responsible for the rest of her spending money.  I encouraged her to look for opportunities to earn money to present themselves, and then be willing to adjust her list if necessary, knowing the weekend was going to be awesome no matter what the budget ended up being.

Well...here's what you have to know about Arianna.  She just knows everything is going to be fine.  Every dog is going to be her best friend.  Every shopping trip will end with donuts.  Every school day has lunch period, so how bad can it be?  She has a wonderful attitude to have every day!

So...countdown to weekend of fun...long list of spending opportunities...small budget...but open to the universe presenting opportunities...and then...

One morning Ari was at the bus stop in her dad's neighborhood.  A woman with a puppy was walking by, and of course the dog WILL be Ari's new best friend, so Ari is enthusiastically petting the dog.  Well, as dogs sometimes do, he decided to lift his leg...and pee, right on her backpack.

Immediately the woman was frantically trying to pull the dog away, apologizing profusely, as Ari broke out in her usual goofy laughter and said "but it's a puppy!!! Look at his fluffy tail!"  She was sincerely nonplussed by the turn of events!  The woman was trying to find a working water hose, rubbing grass clipping on the pee to try to soak it off, etc.  She even said "I am going to buy you a new backpack!"  Ari assured her that this was NOT necessary.

However, the next morning, the same woman showed up at the bus stop, cash in hand.  And Ari really tried to refuse the money, but the woman insisted she take it.

So, when Ari returned to my house a couple days later, she relayed the story to me, and I was incredibly proud of her for how she handled the situation.  She knew the backpack was just a thing - she didn't get flustered at the woman, or her dog, or make matters worse but getting upset at the situation.  And, she did try to refuse the money.

So, I said to Ari, that there will be a lot of situations like a dog peeing on your backpack, situations where you could decide to shrug or laugh it off, or situations where you can get angry and make matters worse.

(Don't get me wrong - there are DEFINITELY situations where justifiable anger is the order of the day.  But, if no one is physically or mentally hurt or abused, if the opportunity is there to shrug it off and walk away...then do so.  The momentum could easily shift from "let's get angry and blow this out of proportion" to "let's have some perspective and keep calm".)

In my opinion, Ari's calm response and her knowing that everything would be ok, was what allowed the universe to present her with some of the money she needed for her weekend-of-fun to-do list.

There are times where anger seems like the correct response...but probably not. (TRUST ME...this is coming from a woman who was jailed based on a lie on the day of her daughter's dance recital.)  I can tell you for certain: out of everything that happened to me and my children over the last couple of years, I can distinctly feel the difference in my life, and in my heart, and in my soul from BEFORE i learned to "shrug it off" to after.

People lie...people manipulate...entrap...coerce...abandon...and sometimes, the worse thing they do is perpetuate an idea that you are not worth forgiveness, support, or love.  But I have never felt more powerful than I do today.  Because the power never lies in lies or manipulation or revenge - true power is the energy to focus your life, focus your thoughts, focus your mind in a direction that will propel you to greatness. 

After all...isn't it all dog pee on your backpack?  You always get to decide how to respond...and your attitude will help you see the solutions that the universe already has lined up for you. 

May Dog Pee With You.

16 Saints for Our Lady of the Mountains Roman Catholic Church Jasper, Georgia

My dear friends...I feel like I have abandoned you and I am so sorry!  I'm not sure why life takes the turns it does all the time, and sometimes, only with hindsight, do we get to actually understand what was happening and Why.

These past few months have been very challenging for me on a personal level, and unfortunately now on many other levels as well.  I'm going to spare you the details, but I will tell you this...we all have trials, we all have challenges, we all have grief and suffering.  Our experiences are valid because they are happening to us, effecting us, and shaping us.  No one escapes challenges. 

I was lucky enough to have lunch with one of my favorite people yesterday, and after I got done explaining my situation, she shared a trial in her own life...and immediately mine seemed small in comparison.  My mind immediately shifted into "How do I help my friend?  What are the right words to say?  What can I DO for her?"

Truth is...sometimes...just listening is enough.  Sometimes...just an extra long hug is enough...sometimes cooking dinner is enough.

Sometimes...knowing that we all experience hardships is enough.  Others have triumphed, and we can as well.  For many people, seeking out an example of perseverance, sacrifice, love, determination, strength, is necessary.

I was lucky enough to create portraits of 16 Saints for Our Lady of the Mountains Roman Catholic Church in Jasper, Ga that - hopefully - will do exactly that.  Hopefully, looking upon these faces will humanize these saints for the viewer...will help you see them as human beings seeking guidance, love, understanding just as we all are.  I truly hope that looking into their eyes and gazing upon their likeness as I have interpreted them will provide a small measure of comfort to anyone who needs it.

Pope John Paul IIhttps://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Saint_Monica

Saint Monicahttps://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Francis_Xavier_Seelos

Saint Francis Xavier Seeloshttps://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Thomas_More

Saint Thomas Moorehttps://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kateri_Tekakwitha

Saint Katerihttps://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jun%C3%ADpero_Serra

Saint Juniperohttps://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Th%C3%A9r%C3%A8se_of_Lisieux

Saint Therese of Lisieux

Saint Miguel Pro

Saint Vincent de Paul

Saint Joan of Arc

Saint Edmund Campion

Saint Martin of Tours

Saint Elizabeth Ann Seton

Saint Sebastian

Saint Maria Goretti

Saint Louis the King

Portrait of Jon Snow: Game of Thrones Fan Art

Winter sure is taking a long time to get here!

OK...I could easily fill a whole post with Game of Thrones quotes...but let's get right to my obsession with painting the characters, ok?  I have to get back into the studio!

Right from the start - like most other Game of Thrones fans - I loved Kit Harington's portrayal of Jon Snow.  I've never read the books, so I didn't come to the TV series with any pre-conceived notions of who he should be, so I guess in that way I was lucky.  Anyway - Kit Harington, obviously, is a very good looking man, and combined with the cinematography and costumes and his amazing acting I had no choice - had to paint a portrait of Jon Snow!

So just the other day I was lucky enough to get my hands on a tube of Torrit Grey - the color that Gamblin Oil Paints releases every year in honor of Earth day.  It is created from all of the dust particles trapped in their filters over the course of the last production year.  Anyway...it turns out to be a perfect foil to one of my painting characteristics:  I love color.  Maybe a little too much at times.  I am always trying to "tone down" my skin tones.  So...I found a Jon Snow screenshot that I liked, him in a cool green forest with an overall atmosphere of grey-ish green, and got out my usual palette.

However, this time, every color I mixed - from the black of his hair to the green of the trees to the flesh on his cheeks - had a touch of Torrit grey mixed in.  Sometimes more, sometimes less.  Now I am not the first artist to do this - having a pile of color that an artist mixes into each color on his painting is sometimes referred to as "the mother".  An artist will add a touch of this to every color she mixes, to unify the palette.  Often times this is a light purple, like a periwinkle, sometimes a combination of alizarin crimson, white, and blue (french Ultramarine would work)

Once I knew the reference photo I wanted, the color approach I wanted, I got to work, starting with transparent red oxide on 11" x 14" gessoed panel.

I spent a lot of time on subtle tweaks to every angle on the face - a slight change in the arc of the eyebrow changed the expression from fear to steadfast, a crinkle in the corner of the eye from thoughtfulness to rage, the line of the lips changed from tense to confident.  It's amazing what subtle changes can do to an expression.  And I am so in awe of what this amazing actor captures in just a glance, I wanted to be sure to honor that in every stroke.

I've also painted Tywin Lanister, Master Luwin, and Lady Stark (I will share her portrait soon!)

You Are Valid

Sharing my work on line is one of the most rewarding things in my life.  Not only because the actual selling of my work supports me and my children, but the act of connecting with people through my work can be so powerful, and sometimes, can even change my life.

Last week I received a note from a woman who saw my two self-portraits, "Unleashed" and  "Draw Forth".  She explained...

"I am going through a rather complicated breakup and these speak to me. Both the calm resignation in 'Draw Forth' and the hurt and rage in 'Unleashed'. Seeing these emotions external to myself has helped to put some things in perspective"

"Draw Forth"

"Unleashed"

This note meant so much to me.  Just a couple weeks ago, I was having a discussion with a fellow artist about what I was currently working on, and we started talking about work with a Message - social, personal, political, etc.  And he asked why I wasn't creating more work with a personal story.

My only explanation at the time was that for so long now, my thoughts and feeling rarely seem validated, and/or understood by some of the people in my life.  NOT ALL - just some.  But sometimes they are the people who have the biggest impact on my self-worth.

I don't want to get into specifics either, because I think there is a way to learn and share without throwing people "under the bus" so to speak.  It felt like there was a pattern in my life for so long, that if I wasn't comfortable in a situation or how something was going, I was told "well other people have it worse so don't complain", or if I changed my mind on something I was WRONG to change my mind. Or worse...wrong to have an opinion in the first place.

Changing your mind, wanting something more out of a relationship, having thoughts and opinions that might differ from someone else, these are all VALID.  Valid things to go through in your day to day life.  If you are surrounded by people who challenge those feelings, belittle them, or cut you out of your life because of them, that is THEIR short-coming, not yours.

So what do you do in this kind of situation?  First of all, you become a better listener, which I am thankful to say that I am.  Because, truly, that is what I want sometimes, too - to be really listened to. Not have my feelings dismissed or belittled or challenged.  So that is the first thing I am going to put out there into the universe - my willingness to listen to my friend's, children's, and loved one's feelings, and always let them know that they are valid.

Secondly, I need to listen to myself.  I need to stop letting someone who is bigger than me or who is stronger than me or who makes more money than me or who is simply louder than me (which is not many people) decide which of my feelings are "right" or "wrong".

So let's get back to my point:  this woman's note really meant something to me, because she saw a message in my work, interpreted it for herself, and learned from it.  I don't know if there is a higher compliment that I can receive as an artist, or a human being.  I am so thankful for that.  I am emboldened by her sentiment and finding a lot of personal strength because of it.  I'm inspired to re-examine pieces that I have abandoned or never even started because I had become afraid of expressing my thoughts and feelings.

THANK YOU to every one of you who follows my work because you relate to it, enjoy it, feel something when you look at it - even if it's just joy! - which is a valid response to art!  Thank You for listening.

Saying Good-Bye to Studio 81

This is probably one of the most difficult announcements I've had to make in a long time.   The building that houses Studio 81 and Ann Litrel Art has been sold, and we will be moving out very soon.  I have decided to close Studio 81 at the end of November.  

I was lucky to call this space my Home Away From Home for five years.  The opportunity to share this space with Ann came at a time that I found myself desperately needing a place to work without the constant needs of my two very young children.  (Although...there were a lot of times they came and painted there with me!)



One of the first regular classes, and one of the staples at the studio, was our weekly Figure Drawing group.  We've had several hundred sessions over the last few years, very fortunate to have a roster of incredibly talented and generous figure models that inspired us every week.



And of course I could not have kept the studio open without my morning painting classes and mini workshops.  There have been numerous faces in and out of these groups over the years, and as life keeps taking us on our journey, health, finances, obligations often changed the size of the groups, but the joy that teaching brings me never wavered.

Over the past few months, I realized that the studio - while never in the red, and I am thankful for that - was not generating enough income for me to justify, as a single mother, maintaining the space.  This was very difficult for me, because I never really thought of the studio as "Mine".  The studio always became Alive when it was filled with creative souls, and I felt - as I am sure Ann did - that this space was meant to be here, in downtown Woodstock.  It was destined to bring creative souls together. And it was partly my privilege to do so.



One of the things I am most grateful for is the fact that this gorgeous space, nestled in the heart of our wonderful downtown, allowed me to bring some of the most amazing artists today to teach workshops.  Casey Baugh ended up teaching four workshops here, Kerry Dunn twice, and Jeff Hein will be back in just a couple weeks to help celebrate the final weeks of our studio with his second workshop.  These workshops invigorated me, inspired me, and have helped me grow both as an artist and as instructor.  They will forever be some of my favorite memories at the studio.



Looking through photos, I realize that my children have greatly benefited from enjoying the space as well.  They often created along side me, or used the quiet time to read, and grew up these last five years getting to know downtown Woodstock.  It was important for me, too, that they saw me having a place to work and create.  



And anyone who has met my children know that they are quite the characters.  Jack would stand on the sidewalk shouting out "Art Show!  Come see the Art Show!" for Friday night live (when he wasn't entertaining the adults, of course!)  

Critique nights, Friday Night Live, watching the sunset from the roof, sharing wine with friends, laughing until it hurts, spilling pastels (you know who you are!), explaining the naked woman in the middle of the room to the police officer, and way too many other memories to count.  What a joy it has been to call this studio Home for as long as I have, and it was only a home because I got to share it with all of you.



So what will happen next?  Well my Tuesday morning students barely took a breath before they started planning who would get to host the first class at their house!  So I don't think they'll let me sit idle for too long!  And I wouldn't have that any other way.  

The first thing on my to-do list will be to liquidate as much of the props, furniture, easels, and of course - ART - at the studio in the next few weeks.  

And, I am currently looking for a home, hopefully with a home studio space.  

In some ways, I hope that saying good-bye to this space will help me pursue one of my biggest goals, which is to get to the point where I can teach a workshop anywhere in the world.  If I keep the studio, I will always be in the mindset of bringing students and other artists to me.  I'm excited about the new adventure of going out into the world and teaching all over.  

What beautiful bookends I have on my time in the studio - how the universe brought me the opportunity at a time when my on-line business was bringing in enough money for me to pay the rent and start teaching.  When I needed a space outside my home, when I needed to remind myself that I was more than just Mom.  And now, as the universe has set this move in motion, I am lucky enough to have a large commission that will carry me through the next few months as I settle into a new teaching routine, and I feel that it is also that nudge to "Go...pursue the next step".  I am tearfully grateful that I am being watched out for.

Thank you so much, Ann Litrel, for seeing the beauty and potential in this gorgeous room, and allowing me to share it with you all of these years.  And thank you to every single one of you who made it all worth while.

I will be sending out a final schedule for the month, including our last two Figure drawing evenings, my last Friday Night Live, and the big studio clearance sale.

Much love to you all, and Happy Creating,

Kristina  

Figure Drawing Open Studio Woodstock GA

I'm excited to announce that the open figure drawing studio sessions are starting again!

Every Tuesday night August - September 2015

(No Session on September 22nd)

Model schedule still in the works but so far...

August 4th - Mike

August 11th - Melanie T.

August 18th - Michika

August 25th - Ellie